


Slightly Off Center

by babyblueglasses



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Tony Stark, Asexuality, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, Messy emotional content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 05:39:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8089282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyblueglasses/pseuds/babyblueglasses
Summary: Loki tries working himself up to having an important conversation, desperately hoping all the while that he's wrong about it. He is, just not quite in the way he expected.





	

When Loki turned the key in the lock to their apartment, he’d already made up his mind. 

He was going to have the Conversation, because he’d spent the last two weeks convincing himself and building himself up to it. Loki took a deep breath. He hoped he was wrong. He really, really did. He let himself in. 

Tony was sitting on the sofa. He turned and looked back over his shoulder, his entire face lighting up. “You’re home late,” Tony said, dropping his Stark Pad on the couch and making a beeline to where Loki was taking off his coat. “Did your boss make you stay after?” 

Without waiting for an answer, Tony wrapped his arms around Loki’s waist, burying his nose in the scarf that Loki had yet to remove. For a moment, Loki was certain that he was wrong. But Tony was always like this. 

“More or less,” Loki answered, sneaking the scarf out from under him and dropping the scarf that Tony had given him onto the hook beside his coat. Tony set his chin on Loki’s chest, grinning up at him. 

“I made pizza,” Tony said. “There’s a Star Trek marathon on TV.” 

Loki set his hands on Tony’s shoulders, trying to steady himself more than anything else. He wondered if Tony could feel how rigidly he was standing or notice how stiff his face was. “Actually,” he said. “There was something else that I had in mind.” 

Tony was still for a split second, not reacting, before he broke into a lecherous smirk. “Oh?” He asked, “Does that something involve me sprawled beneath you, crying out your name?” 

It had been a stupid way to put it, Loki thought now, but he hadn’t wanted to scare Tony off by saying that they needed to Talk. And now he wanted to give in to Tony’s offer just to prove himself wrong. Fuck. He didn’t actually want to talk. Maybe this time would be different. “Exactly,” Loki said, giving in. Tony took a step towards the bedroom, pulling Loki with him. 

Tony stripped down at the side of the bed, pausing and making a show out of it when he realized that Loki was watching. Usually Loki had him pinned to the bed even before his clothes came off. 

Not that Tony had ever seemed to mind. He liked Loki taking charge. 

Maybe that was the problem. 

Loki stood there, waiting to see what Tony would do. 

Tony paused beside the bed, realizing that Loki wasn’t following him. He wavered for a split second before grinning at Loki. “You’re not getting cold feet on me, are you?” 

Loki’s eyes wandered down Tony’s body out of habit, his cock responding eagerly. He hated himself for how badly he wanted Tony, how that desire had never seemed to dull. “I thought,” Loki said, “I’d let you lead tonight.” Yes, that was a good idea. Maybe if he let Tony lead he’d see that he was wrong. 

“Is it my birthday?” Tony asked, sauntering over. Loki just smirked, his cheek hard, the motion jaunty. “There are so many possibilities,” Tony said, tugging at Loki’s shirt. “I don’t know where to start.” 

“I want you to top.” Loki held his breath, studying Tony’s face like his life depended on it. 

“That’s new,” Tony said. He squeezed Loki’s hips, holding him there. True, it was something that Loki had almost never let him do, but it wasn’t like Tony complained. He’d always gone along with whatever Loki wanted. “Are you sure you can handle it?” 

He was teasing Loki, he definitely was, but to Loki it didn’t feel like a joke. He irritably yanked his own shirt off, throwing it at the floor. “Now,” he demanded. 

“Keep your pants on,” Tony said. “Or don’t.” He laughed at himself, abandoning Loki and walking to the nightstand to grab a bottle of lube. “No, I’m serious,” Tony said, turning around. “How am I going to fuck you with your pants on, huh?” 

With sinking disappointment, Loki kicked his own pants off. Naked, he laid down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

Tony should be all over him. Tony should be driven mad with lust by the opportunity. He shouldn’t be—Loki glanced over. Warming the lube in his hand. 

“Roll over,” Tony said. Loki buried his face in the pillow. Nothing happened. He wondered what Tony thought of him, pliant like this. Why wasn’t he nipping and sucking at every inch of skin he saw? He wasn’t even copping a feel. Tony had been with so many people, surely he hadn’t been like this with them. 

Tony’s slick finger slipped around his rim, easy and gentle. Tony’s other hand settled on his hip. “I’m gonna fuck you so good,” he promised. “You’re going to think of me every time you sit down tomorrow.” 

Loki huffed out a derisive breath. Tony seemed to take it as encouragement. “You’re so tight.” His fingers moved mechanically, working Loki open like a chore. “Fuck, Loki. I want you so bad.” 

Loki propped himself up on his elbows. With a sliver of hope he glanced back, hoping to see Tony hazed over with lust, or at the very least, flushed. Instead, Tony looked no different than he had when Loki came home. He was watching his fingers thrust in and out of Loki’s ass with the same expression he wore when he was doing calculations. 

And since Loki had noticed, he couldn’t get it out of his head. 

Loki flopped back against the pillow, hiding his face as his bottom lip trembled. Even now he was hard, desperate to know what it was going to feel like to have Tony inside of him. He wanted it, he really did. Loki buried his nose into the pillow, eyes stinging as Tony’s scent plunged into his senses, rattling him with desire and heartache. 

He wondered if Tony noticed how abnormally quiet he was being. He couldn’t bring himself to tease and banter the way they usually did. 

Tony had found his prostrate and was starting to tease it, drawing inspiration from the involuntary thrust of Loki’s hips. Loki groaned, the vibration of it deep in his chest. “Lo,” Tony said. He leaned in to press his lips to the back of Loki’s neck. Loki rubbed his face against the pillow, spine curling. “You’re going to feel so good.” 

When Loki finally dared to look at him, Tony was as alert and ready as ever. He stretched Loki open with the same detachment as before, eyes bored. 

Loki couldn’t take anymore. 

“Now,” Loki snapped. Tony mistook the gravel in his voice for desire. Tony pulled him up onto all fours, spreading his cheeks and easing the head of his cock in. Loki clenched the sheets, straining not to cry out. He still fucking wanted it. Tony’s thick cock drove in agonizingly slow, drawing a whine from Loki. He couldn’t bring himself to look over his shoulder and see Tony’s face. 

Tony took a few slow, measured strokes. 

“Tony,” Loki choked out, still hoping even now that something would change. “Now.” 

Tony waited a moment before slamming Loki’s hips against him. Loki cried out in spite of himself, thinking how perfect Tony was. How great and gorgeous and wonderful Tony was as he fucked him. “Like this?” Tony asked, teasing and seductive. Loki let out a whimper. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous.” Loki didn’t believe him. 

Tony’s firm hand wrapped around his cock, tugging impatiently. Loki came with a sob, shuddering as his come painted his chest and Tony’s hand. 

Tony rode him through it, muttering bullshit about how good and perfect he was. Loki shivered as his cock dribbled a few reluctant drops of come. He felt good, even though he hated himself for it. 

Tony took a while longer to come. He was silent as he did, biting his bottom lip and shutting his eyes. Loki felt it spill from his loosened hole, a wet trail sliding down his thigh. Tony gave his ass a playful slap as he pulled free. “Good, huh?” Tony asked, finally noticing his wrecked face. Loki nodded, wiping his palm against his cheekbone. 

Tony’s hand cradled Loki’s head as he pressed a few kisses to Loki’s cheek. “I love you, Lo.” A trembling smile graced Loki’s lips. He wrapped his arms around Tony, pulling them down against the bed and wishing that the thoughts in his head weren’t true. Tony’s beard brushed against his chin as his their lips met.

He could never say that Tony wasn’t a good kisser. 

Tony kissed with more enthusiasm than he fucked Loki with, but that didn’t stop Loki from pulling away when the intimacy of it became painful. “I’m taking a shower,” he said, pushing Tony off of him. 

“Alone?” Tony asked, like it was some sort of crime. 

“Alone,” Loki confirmed. Tony didn’t press the issue. Loki snapped the lock bolt behind him. 

 

Loki made it halfway through breakfast the next morning before he couldn’t take it anymore. His thoughts were eating him alive as Tony sat there, drinking his coffee with sex wrecked hair like it was nothing. Even after last night, Loki wanted to spread him over the table and fuck him senseless. 

“Do you not find me attractive anymore?” 

Tony choked on his coffee. Drops spilled down his chin and splattered against his shirt. “What makes you think that?” He asked, eyes watering. 

“Tony, you don’t have to lie to me. I can tell.” Loki crossed his arms, pressing them against his ribcage. “Just tell me already.” 

“Babe, I feel like I’m going to come in my pants every time I see you.” Tony took a sip of his coffee. “With legs and an ass like that, I’d have to be fucking crazy to let you go. Of course I find you attractive.” 

Loki pulled in a tight breath, uncertain of what to say. He knew he was right. He just knew. 

“Is this about last night?” Tony asked. “Look, maybe I’m a little rusty at topping, but somebody here never gives me that chance. I wasn’t exactly expecting it.” 

“It's not that you were bad.” It wasn’t like Tony couldn’t do it. That wasn’t the problem. “You didn’t enjoy it all,” Loki gritted out. 

“Yeah I did,” Tony said lightly. “Of course I did. Did I come or not?” Loki twisted his lips to the side. Tony smiled at him, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s alright. I make a way more fuckable bottom. I like you topping, Lo.” 

“Stop.” Loki slammed his hands flat against the table. “Just fucking stop already, Tony. I know you’re not attracted to me. Whenever we have sex now you’re just there. You’re not enjoying it at all!” Loki clenched his jaw. “You’re not interested in switching it up, so it has to be me. Just tell me you’re bored already and that you want to move on to someone else.” 

“Woah, woah.” Tony held up his hands, abandoning his coffee. “There’s no need to go for the nuclear option.” 

“No? I’m not going to force you to be with me, Tony.” Loki spat, seething. He’d held onto it for too long. “It’s obvious you’re not into me anymore. The attraction died. Just say it.” 

Tony stared at him as if he’d been struck. Loki glowered at him, refusing to budge. Finally Tony swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in the motion. “It’s not you, Loki. It’s—everybody.” Tony turned away, chewing on his lip. 

“What do you mean it’s _everybody_?” Loki asked, curiosity prying at his wounded anger by a fraction. 

“Like—” Tony grimaced. “I’m not that attracted to people in general.” He mumbled, looking at the table in shame. 

In his initial reaction, Loki wanted to laugh and call him a liar. Tony had been with far too many people far too many times for that to be true. But he loved Tony, and he wasn’t going to dismiss him when he was obviously struggling to share something. Loki paused, considering what he’d said. “As in you’re—asexual?” He asked, recalling the word.

“No!” Tony panicked. “I, I’ll try harder, Loki. I will. I’ll do whatever you want, I’ll—”

“—Try harder?” Loki gave Tony a disapproving look like he was playing dumb. “I don’t want you to _try harder_ , I want you to enjoy yourself.” Tony crumbled inward, shame stripping his light humor away. “Do you really not feel attracted to anyone?” Loki asked, trying to sound kind. 

“I—” Tony verged on something when he panicked instead. “I love you Loki. Maybe I’m not feeling good lately, I’m sorry I didn’t do a good job last night—”

“Tony.” It was his firm voice, the one that kept everyone in line. “I just want to know. Do you feel attracted to other people or not?” 

“I—sometimes?” Tony wrung his shirt between his hands. “No.” His eyes sought the exit even if his body didn’t move. “I don’t know. Loki, I really like you, you’re the smartest, funniest, most interesting person I’ve ever met and I don’t want to lose you. I’ll get better at sex, I will—”

“Do you even want to have sex?” Loki asked, genuinely wondering. Tony didn’t need to answer him. Loki could tell the moment after he said it that he’d made things worse. “Tony,” he said, rising from his chair. Tony flinched when he stood. 

“Yeah. I do,” Tony said. It was alarmed and tight, defensive. 

Loki walked around the table to stand next to Tony. His boyfriend wouldn’t look at him. Loki tried coaxing the tension out, running his fingers through Tony’s hair. “It’s okay if you don’t want to have sex.” 

“No it’s not!” Tony pushed back in the chair, colliding with the wall and stumbling against the table as he tried to dart around Loki. 

“Tony, it’s fine if you don’t—”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Tony shouted. He started pacing back and forth between the counter and the wall of cabinets by the sink. “I don’t—” Tony said, dragging has hands through his hair. “I really like you, and once people find out I’m—I’m not—Loki don’t.” 

Loki sunk down into a chair, trying to appear as nonthreatening as possible. He laid his arms over the back of it and lowered his chin onto them, crossing his legs to the side of him. “Tony,” he said gently. “I really like you too.” Tony glanced feverishly at him before abruptly pacing back in the other direction. “We can work something out—”

“No we can’t!” Tony set his hands on his hips and then let go and rubbed them up against his face, tangling them in his hair before moving to gesture with them. “You don’t understand,” he said, turning to Loki. “People say that at the beginning. How understanding they are, how we can just work something out, but it’s not true. No one wants to be with a—it’s not—at least when I’m gay other gay guys are open to me, once they figure out I’m bi they give me shit, and straight relationships lead to—you know what, no. No.” Tony closed his eyes and breathed in. “Maybe the nuclear option is best.” 

“Tony,” Loki said, voice teetering on the edge of a laugh. Now that he didn’t think that Tony wanted to leave him, everything seemed fine. He rose from the chair. “You don’t mean that.” 

Tony held his ground as Loki approached. “I do,” he said. “You were just about to breakup with me because I wasn’t _attracted_ to you, but now you’ll stay with me because it’s not about sex? Do you hear yourself? No.” 

“I thought you wanted to be with someone else,” Loki said. “I thought you were attracted to someone else.” 

Tony stared up towards Loki, determined but vulnerable. “What difference does it make?” 

Loki reached out his arms, meaning to wrap them across Tony’s shoulders, but Tony stepped back. “Tony,” he soothed. “It makes all the difference.” 

“How?” Tony smiled bitterly, forcing out a laugh. “I’m still messed up and you’re—you have better options. Why would you stay with me when you can find someone better?” 

“I can’t,” Loki said. His smile was soft, his eyes unusually kind. “I can’t find someone like you Tony, clever and brilliant and who I’m already in love with.” 

“Save it.” Tony took another step backwards, wrapping his arms across his stomach. “As soon as you find someone you like that can give you the kind of sex you want, you’ll be gone.” He turned away. “Just because I’m not attracted to other people doesn’t mean you’re not.” 

“Do you really think so little of me?” Silence. Loki wouldn’t let Tony off the hook without an answer. Yet as it stretched out, Tony only stared at him in confused uncertainty. Loki licked his lips. “You think that I’m going to abandon you because you’re asexual?” Tony didn’t answer. “You do, don’t you?” 

“You will,” Tony said. He tossed his arms out to the side like he was going to say something, then bunched his hands into fists and started towards the living room. 

“Tony,” Loki said, marching after him. Tony stopped beside the couch, gripping the back of it. “I’m not going to leave you over this.” 

“Everybody else does!” Tony turned away after his outburst. He hung his head, releasing the back of the couch. “Loki,” he said in quiet resignation. “Trust me.” 

Loki leaned his hip to the side, thinking. 

Arguing wasn’t going to work. He needed to get through to Tony another way. He came around to the front of the couch, sitting down leisurely. Tony didn’t move from standing at the back, but he didn’t seem comfortable with Loki’s position either. “Attraction aside, do you enjoy sex at all?” He pulled his feet up onto the couch. “Whatever you answer is okay.” 

Tony judged him for a moment before choosing to answer. “I don’t know. Sometimes.” Tony scratched his beard, pushing his shoulders back. “It’s—on the same level as doing other things. Less than sometimes, maybe. I don’t know. Sometimes I do.” He put his hand on the back of the couch, steadying himself. 

Loki reached up and set his hand over Tony’s, massaging with his fingertips. “That’s okay.” 

“No it’s not.” 

Loki leaned up, eyes pleading. “Tony. Please sit down with me.” Tony looked at the empty couch cushion with trepidation. “Let’s talk about this.” Tony opened his mouth, starting to pull away. “If it’s so bad that you want to break up over it, you at least owe me a conversation about it.” Tony’s hand curled in on itself, but he relented. 

Loki made extra room for him to sit down, watching as Tony reluctantly took a seat in the far corner. “What do you like doing?” Loki asked, resisting the urge to crowd Tony and pull him in. 

Tony stared down at the couch cushion. “I like what we do Loki. I can still have sex—”

“I’m not asking what you can do,” Loki interrupted. “I’m asking what you like to do.” 

It took Tony a while to answer. “Hang out, and—you’ve probably noticed, I’m pretty touchy feely.” Tony rubbed his cheek. “I like holding you and kissing sometimes, just, sex is fine but I’m just as happy laying with you on the couch when we do movie nights. I don’t—have whatever it is you have.” Tony leaned against his side of the couch, more ashamed and self loathing than Loki had ever seen him be. 

“I think we can work with that,” Loki said. Tony rolled his eyes. “I mean it, Tony.” 

Tony said nothing, and in a way, that was worse than outright disagreeing. 

Even so, Loki was dizzy with relief. Tony still wanted to be with him, even if it wasn’t quite in the way that Loki had thought. He was so relieved that he wanted to laugh hysterically, but there was something else bothering him now. 

“Tony, I’m sure people were shitty to you about it in the past, but we’ve been together for four years.” Loki rubbed his hands against his face. “Give me some credit.” He was getting a headache. “Honestly, I’m a little hurt that you haven't told me sooner,” he quietly admitted. “And that it took me so long to notice,” he said finally, guilt stabbing his chest. 

“I’m pretty good at hiding it,” Tony said. 

Loki tried to smile. That was the understatement of the century. “I thought we’d been together this long and you were getting bored.” Loki rubbed at his eye, exhausted suddenly. “I thought you didn’t want me anymore.” 

“Nah,” Tony said. “I still love you, I’m just comfortable enough that I’m—slipping up,” he admitted. Loki stared at him, horrified. “I mean,” Tony explained. “I do—it’s never like I didn’t want to. I just—if it was having sex or cuddling on the couch, I didn’t care, you know? I just wanted to do it with you. It’s fun, it is. I like it with you. But it’s not driving me. And I guess I’ve been letting that show. I didn’t know.” 

Loki massaged his fingers against his forehead. “Four years,” he said. “Why’d it take me so long?” He felt Tony’s hand settle on his ankle. “And you, for four years you’ve been—tolerating it.” Loki covered his eyes with his palms, fingers laced together. “I can’t believe—I feel horrible.” 

“I didn’t tell you,” Tony said. 

“I know,” Loki answered, voice as heartbroken as he felt. 

“I—it’s not your fault I’m like this,” Tony said. “I didn’t want you to suffer because I’m—messed up.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Tony.” 

“That’s nice of you, Lo.” 

Loki sat up, kneeling on his knees and tottering forward on the couch. He caught himself on the armrest beside Tony, leaning over him. “Shut up. You sound like I did when I first figured out I was gay, before I worked it out to pan. I’m not going to let you talk that way about yourself,” he growled. “I love you Tony Stark, you idiot.” He sagged down a bit, exhausted again. “I love your ace ass and there’s nothing you can do about it.” 

Tony laughed a little. “I love it when you get pissed.” 

“I know,” Loki said irritably. He didn’t know why he was still balancing himself over Tony. He let himself fall, landing against Tony’s chest. He turned his head to the side so that he could watch Tony’s face. 

Tony’s gaze was glued to the ceiling fan. “So I can count on you sticking around until the lease is up, huh?” Tony tried. 

If he hadn’t looked so frail and tired Loki would’ve smacked at his hip in teasing retaliation. Instead he answered, “Fuck the lease. You’re stuck with me lease or no lease.” 

“Huh,” Tony said. Maybe he didn’t really believe Loki, but at least he wasn’t shooting him down directly. 

For a while they laid there, Loki rising and falling with Tony’s breath. 

Loki was replaying the past few years in his head, looking for clues. He kept coming back to his own insecurity. “There’s something I don’t get,” he said. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” Tony’s impassive expression remained. “Why’d you have your playboy years if you didn’t weren’t attracted to people?” 

“I wanted to be normal,” he said quietly. 

“Oh Tony,” Loki said, digging his arms between Tony and the couch to hold him tight. 

“I thought it worked,” Tony said. 

Loki pulled himself up just enough to be eye level. “You are normal, Tony.” He pressed a kiss to the side of Tony’s face. “We both are.” Tony just smiled back at him, flat and insincere. It would take time. Loki knew that. 

Loki didn’t budge from his spot on Tony’s chest. After a couple minutes, Tony’s arms came around him, settling on his back. He closed his eyes. 

Loki thought that he’d fallen asleep when he whispered, “Do you mean it, Lo?” 

Loki didn’t have to ask what he was referring to. “Of course I mean it.” He hugged Tony tighter. “I’d rather have you as you are, Tony.” Tony’s eyes slowly opened. “There’s so much more to you and us than sex, Tony. Any fool can see that.” He pulled himself up, pressing their foreheads together. “Believe me, Tony.” 

“I still want to fuck sometimes,” Tony said. Loki shut his eyes, pressing his lips together. It would be a while before he’d trust that Tony meant that and wasn’t just trying to please him. 

“Okay,” Loki said. He ran his fingers up the back of Tony’s neck, to the soft spot behind his ears to rub little circles. “Just promise me we’ll work on a better dynamic for both of us.” 

“I promise,” Tony said, leaning in to kiss him. Loki melted into it, moaning as Tony’s hands clutched at his shoulder blades. Everything he’d been holding back the past few weeks broke free. He didn’t want Tony to ever let him go. “Babe,” Tony mumbled, his forehead set against Loki’s. 

“Hmm?” 

“Thank you.” 

“No,” Loki said, a bit breathless. “Don’t thank me for letting you be you.” 

Tony hugged him, dropping his head back against the couch arm. “Don’t tell anyone.” 

Loki frowned, his grip on Tony tightening for a moment. “Of course.” Loki understood the feeling, even if it ached. He knew he needed to let Tony handle things at his own pace. “It’s not mine to tell.” He laid his head against Tony’s chest, listening to the erratic heartbeat below. “Tony?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you for telling me.” 

It hung quietly in the air between them for a moment, gratitude slipping along Tony’s expression. “I wanted to tell you Lo, I just…”

“I think I understand.” 

It was going to take Loki a while to understand completely, but he at least understood how terrified Tony had been to share, how he’d been afraid of losing Loki. He didn’t want Tony to suffer like that anymore.

Tony’s legs shifted beneath him, stretching out. He glanced at Loki, uncertain of what to say, but not really looking as though he wanted say more. “Want to go out for breakfast?” Loki asked. 

“Yeah,” Tony said, relieved. “That’d be great.” He patted Loki’s thighs as he sat up. “What about that place off 67th? They have bacon donuts.” Loki huffed, making a face.

“Fine,” he agreed. “But just because I’m being nice.” 

“Sure you are,” Tony said before stealing a kiss and clambering out from beneath him to stand up. Loki watched him for a moment, recognizing just then that everything was fine. He was smiling when Tony glanced back at him. “Try and be at least halfway dressed when I get out of the shower. I don’t want to wait for you to do your hair, I’m starving.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Loki said. “No promises.” Tony smiled back at him before starting towards the shower.


End file.
